Crazy Koreans

This post is going to be about my first-hand observations with Koreans and their culture. I want to make a note that there certainly are things that I like about Korea and Koreans. Like any culture, they have their share of strengths as well as their share of flaws. I am choosing to write mostly about the negative aspects of the culture because, let's face it, they're funnier to read/write. Please don't get too offended by any of this and take these observations with a light heart. With that said, Let the games begin…

To start off my list, Koreans get incredibly drunk - men, women, boys, girls, old, young, you name it. They all get drunk all day everyday (how am I supposed to punctuate that? Ah well, anyway…). Really, they do; it’s sad. Every night of the week, there are old men stumbling along the streets. This past week, I saw a 50 year old man eating outside while his friend is literally passed out on the chair next to him. The funny thing is that the man didn’t even seem to mind. He was completely unaffected. About a month ago, there was an old-aged man completely passed out on the sidewalk. No one was around him, and he just laid there… Of course, this drunkenness is not a gender-specific problem. … … While I cannot think of any women carrying themselves in this fashion, or rather, uh … lack of carrying themselves (haha), they are just as bad as the men. I suppose they are less discrete about it, but don’t let them fool you. They are heavily intoxicated as well. Finally, if you read my last blog, you are aware of those boys pantsing each other. Well, they were intoxicated, too.

Oh wait, now that I think about these funny drunken moments, I never wrote about this one older man one night about 2 months ago. Marc, if you read this, you’re going to have a sideways smile again. Anyhow, I was outside of a convenient store with my friend. The convenient stores are literally everywhere, and this particular one is right next to the entrance of my friends apartment building. Also, these convenient stores all have plastic chairs to sit on and tables to use. It’s quite nice, in fact, and it seems to be the thing to do in Korea – buy soju and anju (beer snacks) and shoot the breeze. When I tell this short story, you have to also keep in mind that there is always foot traffic in this so-called rural city. I say, “rural” because Uiwang is outside of Seoul (in the neighboring province). Still, the area is heavily populated. At any rate, my friend and I were about 5-10 feet from the entrance of her apartment building, sitting there and having some sort of intense conversation, like we used to do. We were probably talking about how I need to improve some facet of my personality to make it more personable when, all of a sudden, this guy walked up to next to the entrance and pulls out his junk. Then, the yellow stream followed. Yeah, he did it. Anyways, I was about 5 feet from him, and his stream started flowing under his own shoes and towards … me! Ew. It diverged, thankfully, but it was definitely a close call. During his water release, I seriously thought we were going to have a second Grand Canyon on our hands. This guy peed for so long. If I had known he was going to urinate that much, I would have brought my swim trunks, a life vest, and a kayak. It might have been a class four or five river rapid, seriously. Holy mother of Porky the Pig. Also during his urination, a couple walked by. So funny, but they were, again, unaffected and somehow desensitized to these acts. They walked right by the guy into the apartment building not missing a beat. They seemed perfectly at ease walking along the cliff of the yellow water rapids. … Crazy Koreans…

Another thing is that Koreans litter everywhere. Koreans think that Korea is a trash can. Now that I think about it, it baffles me how much patriotism these people have when they totally disrespect their country and take it for granted. Whatever the case, my city is a mess, and I know other places, like Haeundae Beach in Busan (the most famous beach in Korea), get completely destroyed on the warm summer nights by kids and adults alike. Thank goodness for those 60+ year old women who work at 4-5am to prepare the beach for the next days thrashing. Today, I was in this area that had a lot of restaurants, karaoke places, etc. and there was trash everywhere. I was eating Baskin Robbins at the time with Joohee. When I finished, I was going to leave it on the bench with the other empty Baskin Robbins cups (there were at least four), but Joohee made me throw it away in the Baskin Robbins trash can. I was thinking, “Wow, if only other Korean people thought like you, maybe the country wouldn’t be such a dump.” Anyhow… while I’m on the subject of trash, let me talk about their garbage system. You need to buy special bags for the city trash that you can purchase at any convenient store or grocery store. It is imperative that trash is thrown in these bags because a $100 fine will be given otherwise. A month ago, I tried to throw trash away in a different plastic bag, and I got yelled at by a random ajossi (A Korean man that is at least 40, ah-joe-she). For the record, I played the dumb American card (because I knew the rules). After he yelled at me, he left his newspaper on the bench and left. Haha. Okay, okay, I made that up, but I’m sure he did!! Seriously, though, it’s a stupid rule, especially when the type of bag trash is thrown into should be the least of their concerns… Crazy Koreans…

Moving on, these Hangooks have 1,000 different ways to talk to people, according to gender, age, familiarity, color of hair, and situation. I’m not even including the different accents of people from different regions, which further exacerbates the inefficient communicational methods of Koreans. There are formally 6 (six?) different hierarchies of speech dedicated to where you stand in the social hierarchy (obviously). From a website, I printed a page that shows 8 conjugated verbs, and they are conjugated for the past, present, and future tenses. For every verb, I need to be familiar with the formal (high), formal, standard (high), standard, casual, and low casual conjugation of the verb to properly address people in every situation. In case that doesn’t make sense to those that are not linguists (I’m not implying that I’m one, for the record), this means that there are certain ways to address everyone depending on age, gender, the social situation, and what bus number they you (and they) are taking. Right about now, you may even be thinking, “Kyle, you’re crazy! This ain’t that bad!” Well, it gets worse. I didn’t include slang or job titles (and state of relationships between the two conversing in the particular job place). Yeah, that’s all confusing, and I’m still trying to figure out left from right. Seriously, I carry around a pen everywhere I go. Speaking of having a pen wherever I go, I once told a friend to borrow a pen from a convenient store. In Korea, they like to make a big deal out of nothing. For some reason, the simple question of, “Can I borrow a ____ for one second?” ended up being a 5 minute debate about a pen or … God? I have no idea what was said because it was all in Korean, but all I know is I came out of the store 5 minutes later with a pencil. From my intuition, I can only assume that the convenient store worker asked, “What kind of pen do you want? Do you want a blue pen, a black pen, or a red pen? Would you like it to be a ball point pen or a quill? Do you prefer Bic or ____? He looks like he has big hands, does he want a 5-inch pen or a Hello Kiddy pen? I’m sorry, sir, I only have a pencil…” I’m going to end this cultural difference with the simple observation that simple requests and questions require a lot of talking for both parties. I still am not sure what is said because I don’t speak Korean, but, man, asking for one small thing sure takes a long time… Crazy Koreans…

I’m going to take a short intermission and state that blogging is getting tiresome. I’m going to quit for the day, soon, but I’ll finish these last observations rather quickly…

Going back to my observations, Koreans haven’t caught on to the concept of street signs (quite yet). Yes, they do have street signs, and they even have addresses. Unfortunately, the numbers are out of order and no one knows the name of any of these streets. I have no idea how things are delivered, but I do know that the maps the delivery guys have are very complex. Every building on the map has a number. I know maps are outdated now, but buildings are not usually individually numbered on maps. Usually, houses and buildings are in numerical order, which results in maps showing the streets and the range of addresses on that particular street. That is, a map might say 100-200 on Main St., and that means that all addresses 101, 102, 103, 199, etc. are on that particular chunk of the street. I hope I’m clear, but if not, go look at a map. Yeah, so anyways, people don’t know where they’re going and, instead, rely on major buildings, etc. to get around… Crazy Koreans…

Koreans also have 1,000 different ways to treat people, according to gender, age, familiarity, color of hair, and situation. Because this is similar to their language hierarchies, I will be brief with this by giving one example – the “cheers” example. When you are out drinking with co-workers and people of various backgrounds and social statuses, there are very particular rules that cannot be broken. If they are broken, you are immediately frowned upon and seen as rude. Let’s start with the basics. If you are “cheersing” with your boss, the top of your glass has to be ½ of an inch lower than his top of the glass. If you are tapping the glass of your inferior, the same rule is in effect. However, if you are friends with your superior, then the top of your glass may be as close as ¼ of an inch from the top of his glass. If the two of you are really at odds, then your glass must be 5/8 of an inch lower than his. If he is having a bad day and you’re having a great day, then the 9/16’s rule, which is really more like the 11.5/16’s rule, is in effect because you can’t make it seem like you’re boasting. Also, if he didn’t play well in basketball, but you sucked more plus you gave him a really nice assist, then we go back to the ¼ rule. In a different situation, with your friends for example, everything changes. If you’re with your friends and he/she is no more than 1 year and 36 days older than you, you may clink at equal levels. If he is … all right, that’s enough for now. Haha. But seriously, I have not adjusted well to these social hierarchies... Let me explain one small facet of the drinking culture here. For this, I will only explain one facet of the drinking scenario, and that is pouring the drink. And, I will be completely serious with this. If you are getting your drink poured by an older man that you don’t know, you have to hold your glass with two hands. If you’re friends, then you may use one hand to accept the drink. Also, for pouring the drink, you must use two hands to pour unfamiliar and socially higher than you, and … maybe one hand to your inferiors. Finally, you may never pour your own glass. After all the drinks get poured, everyone goes to bed because the whole pouring process lasted 8 hours and it’s now 5am and everyone’s exhausted. Sheesh, Crazy Koreans…

That is all for the night. I was going to write about these other things, but I am exhausted at this point. I will, however, list what I wanted to say, and you can try to GUESS what I would say…

6. Koreans say, “Yes,” to an order, even when they have no intention of carrying the order out.
7. Koreans Love, love, LOVE Changu, the perverted animation character who has, for years, captured the attention of the youth. (This may be a slightly inaccurate observation).
8. Koreans push their kids into schools and after-school academies like no other country, except maybe China.

That will be the end of today’s fireside chat… I hope everyone is doing well, and I hope that everyone is keeping up their spirits despite the economy, job market, etc. Also, please … if we haven’t spoken lately, shoot me an e-mail (kyle.lee.13@gmail.com). Bye family, friends, have a wonderful Sunday.

Love,
Kyle

P.S. I didn’t proofread about half of this, so hopefully everything makes sense.